Blood Red Dawn
by Lucathia Rykatu
Summary: When Yona relives that fateful day again and again, she chooses to flee the castle without Hak. Time travel / time loop.


Blood Red Dawn

by Lucathia

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Akatsuki no Yona and make no profit from writing this.

 **Summary:** When Yona relives that fateful day again and again, she chooses to flee the castle without Hak. Time travel / time loop.

 **Notes:** Written for Nerdanel for Yuletide 2016.

* * *

She wakes with a gasp to the pitter patter of rain, hand held against a cold mirror. She stiffens. A heavy weight lies against her back. She reaches her hand higher.

There, reflected right before her eyes, is the hairpin worn lovingly in her much too long hair.

She drops her hand, curling a lock of hair around her fingers. It tickles her scalp when she tugs.

How can this be? Last she knew, Zeno was... So how...

Has she... Was this...

But she has no time to wonder, for this must be _that_ day, that day when her entire world changed. It is already dark out.

Her feet bring her flying out of her room, pounding down the deserted hallway. Beyond the roofs, the rain falls mercilessly, drowning the world in rivulets of tears. Her father's door is ajar, just like that day.

No...

Is she too late?

Why is she here if this isn't a second chance?

How can she be too late?

She slams the door open. Thunder booms mockingly.

"Father..." she whispers. It's a lifetime ago since she last saw him, and it was the same exact sight that greeted her then, shattering her world. Her world shatters once more.

He slides off the sword, collapsing with a thud.

Blood. Blood coats the floor. Hak's blood. Yoon's blood. Jae-ha's blood. Shin-ah's blood. Kija's blood. Too much blood. She raises her head. Soo-won's impassive gaze catches hers, crimson specks clinging to his cheek and his clothes, dripping off of his blade.

 _Miss, run... he chokes out, blood dripping from his mouth._

She wants to ask why. She wants to rush to her father's side, even though it's too late. Instead, she halts dead, willing cold logic to squash down her crying heart. She can't. She can't go down that path again. If she confronts Soo-won now, he will chase her, and Hak will protect her, and history will repeat all over again.

Her gaze sharpens. She glares across the room at Soo-won but does not confront him. He startles for a moment, his impassivity wavering. Then, she spins around and runs.

She can't allow anyone to die for her. Never. Never again.

She will be far, far away from the castle before any of the guards knows she has escaped, before Kye-sook realizes she witnessed the murder. Perhaps there _won't_ be an order for her to be killed. If only things are that easy.

* * *

"Yona-hime!" a voice calls out, a voice from a different time. "Are you okay?"

She stills in her tracks. Min-soo walks over to her, healthy and hale. She cannot help the surge of emotion that threatens to overwhelm her. He's... he's... he's _alive._

But all she says is, "Min-soo, lend me your bow!"

"What?" is all he can say in response.

She hugs him. Then, she takes his bow.

* * *

Her body is weak. She stumbles over the roots of a tree. The weight of the bow and arrows drags her down. This is not a body that has traveled across the land. Her skin is soft and unmarred. Drawing the bow will chafe against her skin. Her legs protest, but she must continue on. There is no Hak to save her this time. He doesn't even know the truth of what has happened. But, she will save _him._

She slides down against a tree to catch her breath, wishing she had Yoon's navigation sense, wishing she had questioned him more whenever he poured over maps and studied the stars and skies. She looks up at the night sky through the trees. She isn't entirely sure she is going in the right direction. But at least she knows she is creating distance between her and the castle.

Should she find them again? But, she cannot risk their lives, no more than she can risk Hak's. Yet, they have need of her. They have waited their entire lives. It would be a cruel deed not to seek them out. She cannot leave Kija feeling unwanted, Shin-ah alone in the dark, Jae-ha driftless, and Zeno... oh, Zeno. He has waited longer than anyone. They are her dragons. She cannot _not_ seek them out.

* * *

Her stomach clenches. The first time around, she didn't even know hunger, too numbed by pain and shock. This time, she shakily draws her bow, her muscles unused to the feeling. It takes her three tries.

Although she is no Yoon, she has at least learned how to start a fire and roast her food.

Someone's stomach growls. It's not hers.

"Oops," says the tree.

She raises her head. Her eyes burn upon seeing the sheepish boy in the tree, grinning at her as if he hasn't a care in the world, when the truth is just the opposite, the weight of the world on his shoulders. He did say that he had watched her from afar. She hadn't thought she would meet him so soon. Her unease and loneliness ease just a bit.

"Would you like some?" she asks, raising the roasted bird.

He jumps off from the tree. She has the urge to hug him but holds herself back. He doesn't know her. But he soon will.

* * *

Without Hak, travel is hard, but Zeno is with her. He watches her curiously, at the swift way she grows accustomed to the wilderness. She rips off parts of her sleeves to tie her wild hair, wondering if perhaps she should cut it short. She considers if an arrowhead could work, but she hasn't the arm strength to pull it against her hair. Perhaps it is because they are alone with only each other for company, but Zeno drops some of his pretenses and actually cooks. There is no Yoon with them, after all.

She will miss Yoon, and he will miss out on meeting her wonderful dragons and seeing the world with her, but she cannot bring him onto such a dangerous path. And so, she doesn't visit Ik-soo and doesn't hear the prophecy.

There is no reason she can give to Zeno for wishing to visit the Hakuryuu tribe.

But, Zeno solves that problem for her, as he is the one who eventually brings her there.

* * *

"Miss, who are you?" he asks, many days into traveling together.

She merely smiles sadly, heart aching for the lost familiarity between them. Though he does not know her, she knows him, and she knows he is not asking for a name or a title. "Why do you ask, Zeno?"

Zeno hums and places his hands behind his head, adopting a carefree posture. "Zeno is just curious."

"I am Yona," she says, even though he already knows her name. She catches his gaze with determined eyes. "I am but a sheltered girl who has nothing to her name. But even so, I wish to live, and I wish for my loved ones to live. Will you help me, Zeno?"

He takes measure of her, from her ripped sleeves to her gnarled hair and bruised hands. She is a far cry from what his Hiryuu must have been like, and a far cry from what she herself had presented to the world with Hak by her side, but even so, she stands tall and wishes he will choose her once more.

He does.

* * *

She wakes again with a gasp, the echoes of "Hak, no!" on her lips, but all that accompanies her is the pitter patter of rain. Her chest heaves as she gulps in air. Her hand is held against the cold surface of a mirror instead of sticky, warm blood from a wound. The hairpin is back in her hair.

She closes her eyes at the sight, unsure if she should feel relief or despair.

It seems that she is bound to this day. How many times is she to repeat it?

She is back in her room, back to her young self, back to that fateful day. She doesn't think she is supposed to remember each time, but remember she does. Each smile, each life saved, each failure...

Although she knows it is futile, she still makes a run for her father's room.

The door is ajar. Thunder booms. Her father collapses to the floor with a thud.

Why? If she must relive this moment, why can't she have been sent back just a few minutes more? Why must she always be too late?

She stares. Her hands clench, nails digging into her flesh. Across the room, Soo-won stands impassively, her father's blood splashed over his clothes.

"Why?" she finds herself asking, unable to convince herself that logic is what she needs. She should flee, but she doesn't. "Why have you done this?"

To us?

If all Soo-won wants is to be king, there is no need for him to murder her father. An eon ago this very night, she planned to convince her father to let her marry Soo-won. He would have been king if only he waited. The three of them could have stayed together. Ruled together.

Why?

They used to be close. She has thought them to be close. Has it all been her imagination?

If all Soo-won wants is revenge, there is more righteous revenge than killing her father. Whatever the truth is behind Uncle Yu-hon's death is now buried even deeper than before, true justice never to be found.

She cradles her father, gently running her hand through his matted hair. His skin is still warm.

Soo-won tells her again that she isn't supposed to be here at this time. She rarely ever visits her father's quarters. She's heard it one too many times. Never, no matter how many times she is to relive this moment, will she ever not try to save her father. Has she told Soo-won she's here to ask her father to reconsider her and Soo-won? Yes, she thinks she told him something like that before. But no longer is it true.

"I wished to save my father," she says instead, eyes dry, voice steady. "I wished to save _you._ "

To save us. To save everyone.

But it is too late.

It is always too late.

"It's too late," he even says, though his eyes are questioning. He looks at her, really _looks_ at her, as if seeing her for the first time, as if he finds her just as unfamiliar as she finds him.

The moment before Kye-sook opens the door, Soo-won even ushers her behind the divider.

She holds her breath, listening to Soo-won converse with Kye-sook as if she isn't there. He has done something similar before, in another lifetime, hiding her in his embrace...

Why?

* * *

They don't find her.

No guards come after her. Only Hak. Hak storms the palace looking for her, but she has had several lifetimes to learn his route.

He won't find her this time either. Not yet.

* * *

Yoon regards her with narrowed eyes, but she merely responds with a smile.

"You traveled here all by yourself?" Yoon asks.

"You could say that," she answers. She may be alone, but she brings with her all the memories of her times with them. Besides, she knows Zeno is watching.

Yoon gives her a look. She has missed him. She has hoped to be able to spare him from becoming entangled in the messy threads of her life, but one thing she has learned is that sometimes, the threads will cross no matter what she does. She only hopes she can make something out of the mess.

* * *

Ik-soo cries for her. He is hunched into a ball with knees pulled to his face. Yoon sighs and pats his back, which soon turns into Ik-soo hugging Yoon's knees. She watches the scene fondly.

"I had a dream about you," he tells her, "filled with fragmented lives. You have endured much."

Fragmented lives...

"Do you know what my path is to be?" she asks him. Overcoming the knots and dead ends in the threads of her life only leads her around and around in circles. There is no true end in sight.

He conveys to her the words of God. They are the exact same as before.

"When darkness falls upon the land," he says, "the dragons' blood will restore life once more. In accordance with the ancient pact, when the four dragons are gathered, the sword and shield that protect the king will awaken. The red dragon will return at dawn."

The first time she hears the words of God, they are foreign and difficult to believe. But she has met her dragons over and over, and they are more real than anything, near and dear to her heart.

She has fought alongside them, laughed with them, lived with them, died with them. She will find them each and every time.

The truth lies in those words somewhere. When the four dragons are gathered, life will be restored. It is perhaps why she returns again and again to that day, breathed back to life and set on the path to seek them out once more. She knows not what or who the sword and shield are, and whether the king they protect is Soo-won or someone else. But it must all be connected.

* * *

Again, Ik-soo asks her to take Yoon. In fact, even Ik-soo comes with her for the first part of the journey. It's... different.

She watches this time. She watches closely as Yoon goes over the map in his hands, and she asks him to teach her how to read the skies. It's comforting listening to his stern voice that softens into enjoyment the longer he speaks and teaches. He is a natural.

Ik-soo parts with them after they find Kija, whose eyes light up upon meeting her. His village is just as warm as she remembers, with great reverence given to the legendary Hiryuu. She asks about King Hiryuu this time, wishing to learn more. She is his reincarnation, here to meet her dragon warriors again, which she has done each and every time. But what does it mean that the red dragon will return at dawn? There is still much she doesn't know.

Shin-ah's village always saddens her. She is only too glad to shower upon Shin-ah all the care he deserves. With the mask between them, she can't tell if his eyes light up like Kija's or not, but his quiet whisper of his new name speaks louder than anything. She squeezes his hands, hoping that one day he will feel comfortable enough again with showing his beautiful eyes.

Jae-ha has long abandoned his village, and she is glad of it, from what he has revealed to her in a previous life. His new home with the pirates is much more of a home than his village would ever be to him. He takes her soaring across the seas with one leap, foot only touching down briefly to propel them up again. She hugs him tightly, glad to have him back.

Nothing is all that different, not until Zeno.

* * *

"Miss, who are you?" he asks.

She looks over at the suspicious boy by the edge of the forest and smiles a sad smile. "Why do you ask?"

"Zeno has been watching," he answers, "and you know Zeno has been watching."

Indeed, she does know. He watches her each and every time, sometimes joining her right when she flees the castle, sometimes joining her only after she has found her dragons again. He wishes to know why she seeks them out. He wishes to know what she will do. He wishes to know _her._

She wants him to know, too.

She pats the grass next to her, inviting him to sit next to the campfire with her.

He sits.

"I am Yona," she tells him, voice gentle. "I wish to live, and I wish for my loved ones to live. I will return again and again to meet all of you. Will you listen to my story, Zeno?"

He does.

* * *

She wakes again with a gasp to the pitter patter of rain, the memories of wiping Lili's tears away replaced by the cold sensation of the surface of the mirror against her hand. She stares at her reflection, at the hairpin in her much too long hair and the bittersweet smile on her face, and dashes out the door to her father's room.

She knows she is always too late, but she will never give up on trying.

The hallway is deserted like always, enveloped by the unsympathetic rain. Her feet bring her pounding to her father's door, which is... not ajar.

She stares.

This isn't how it goes.

But, can she dare to hope?

Slowly, she pushes the door open.

Soo-won turns. As does her father.

"...Father?" She whispers, unable to believe her eyes.

"Yona? Do you need me for something?" Her father asks, startled by her presence. He shares a glance with Soo-won.

He's alive. _Alive._

She nods but then shakes her head just as quickly. Her legs threaten to buckle. Walking is almost impossible, but she forces herself forward. "No... it's just... good to see you."

She hugs him shakily, much to his confusion. She buries her face in his shirt, hugging him tightly. He pats her on the back.

Soo-won watches her. When he excuses himself, she forces herself to do the same. Her father absentmindedly bids her goodnight. While she is happy to have her father back, it doesn't make sense. She has not gone back in time far enough for the event to play out any differently than it always does. By the time she reaches her father's room, he is always dead. There is nothing she can do to save him.

That can only mean one thing. She hates the very idea of it. Because it will mean that he has made the same choice over and over again, despite knowing just how much hurt it causes each and every time.

"Soo-won!" she calls out.

He halts. He doesn't turn. But he does look over his shoulder at her.

She runs up to him. "Soo-won, you remember too?"

Soo-won finally turns to face her. He smiles sadly, just like how she smiles sadly each and every time. It's a smile that speaks of loneliness and helplessness, of knowing too much.

"Yona, why have you stopped taking Hak with you?" he asks in return, thus answering whether or not he remembers. He does.

"I just want him to live," she replies. He is his own person, not a shield to hide behind.

Soo-won looks away into the distance. "He has missed you."

"But don't you like having him by your side?" she asks. She has seen the glorious sight of them fighting back-to-back. It's both exhilarating and painful to watch. She wants him by her side. She wants them by her side. She wants so much.

"It's merely a lie," Soo-won explains. "Hak isn't supposed to be by my side but yours."

"Then why? Why do you break us apart? You could have had it all," she accuses.

Soo-won's smile only grows sadder. "It's because the alternative is so much worse. I had to take matters into my own hands. A heaven that only watches has no meaning for me."

"Just who are you?" she finds herself asking. Has she ever actually known him?

"I am Soo-won," he says softly. "I am the sword that protects the king, even if it means slaying the king himself. You wished to know why. Will you hear me out, Yona?"

She does.

* * *

He tells her of all the lives he has lived, of all the times he has watched her die, of the darkness that befalls the kingdom, of each and every time the kingdom burns. He has awoken over and over again.

Eventually, the rain lets up and the night gives way to dawn. She watches the reddening skies with bright eyes. Her father lives for one day more, she hasn't fled from the castle, and Hak knows not of what has been narrowly avoided, but she knows that she will wake again with a gasp to the pitter patter of rain. They are at a truce this time, but it will not always be so.

Soo-won claims the alternative is much, much worse. But she wishes to believe it doesn't have to be so. After all, Soo-won is no longer alone in his struggle, and neither is she.

* * *

He wakes to a warm hand held in his. Her innocent eyes bring him out of the battlefield, dispelling the sensation of hugging her cold body. He smiles and closes her hand around the hairpin. She complains about her red and unruly hair, but he tells her how much he likes it.

It is the color of dawn, the color of hope.

As always, he knows what he has to do. What he must do. There is no room for hesitation. His king wishes for it to be so, and he agrees it is for the best.

This time, he will make sure Yona brings Hak with her.

This time, he is fairly sure will be the last. Hak will awaken, and they will finally see the dawn together.

* * *

the end

 **A/N:** Thanks so much for reading, and happy new year!


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